Like many women in their 30s, one of my true joys is meeting a friend for a beverage. However, after catching up for a green juice (healthy) with a dear colleague recently, I was on the train home when I got a message saying “Hey! Can you please transfer me $12.50? Thank you!” My response can only be described as … horrified.
The reason that it stuck in my craw is because I firmly believe that you should not request repayment for anything under $15. If we are out together and I shout you a coffee I would rather commit seppuku than be bank-transferred $4.50 ($6 if you are in the CBD, $9 if you are a matcha observant). For context, A$15 is roughly US$10, £8, €9, NZ$19 and 1,680 yen. In this (scary) global economy, that doesn’t stretch much further than a small beverage/snack/Boots meal deal.
If something is under $15 and you buy it for me, know that I will do the same for you next time. This is called trust and this is called reciprocity (look up Sahlins’ typology if you are feeling academic or in need of a more eloquent explanation). Generosity is an important skill! I think about my parents, uncles and grandfather almost getting into fistfights over who would pay the bill at a restaurant. To provide something for your loved ones was once seen as something to be proud of. A sign of respect and humility! While I don’t share a blood bond with my favourite work wife, the trust and care is still there. We don’t have Venmo in the southern hemisphere, but in Australia we have PayID (which is superior imo), and in New Zealand, my country of birth, we have nothing but bank transfer, so the whole process of repayment is clunky and time-consuming.
You may argue there are cultural contexts in which recounting every penny is both socially encouraged and a sign of respect. My grandmother grew up in the Netherlands, potentially the biggest proponents of financial fairness (ever heard the phrase “going Dutch”?). In Dutch (and German), the word for debt is Schuld, which can also mean guilt or fault – no doubt fostering lingering aversions to owing money. Young people in the Netherlands use Tikkie – an app similar to Splitwise – to immediately request repayment for even tiny amounts. This is rooted in a strong cultural mindset of equality rather than miser behaviour (I have heard it’s not unusual for gifts to be refused because no one wants to owe anyone anything). But to my family and forefathers I say: absolutely not.
If you need to hold on to your $15 or are skint until payday (me every week, lol) then … don’t offer. We can drink whatever we have at home. The ironic thing is, it’s never my friends who earn the least who ask to be paid back. US comedian and actor Robby Hoffman said in a recent New York Times interview, “the poor have much less but when you go to their house it’s like ‘Take! Take! Take! You want a coke?’” I would offer that, generally, those fortunate enough to grow up wealthy have a slightly different relationship to generosity. Because if you haven’t experienced a lack of anything, how can you understand that providing the thing another person needs will fulfill both of you? Not to mention that $15 is a comparative drop in the ocean to anyone earning over $150,000 a year.
The reason my personal threshold is $15 (in the year of our lord 2026 amid a cost-of-living crisis) isn’t due to any market research; it’s based purely on vibes. Twenty dollars? You can absolutely ask for that back. A 20 is a note, it’s (potentially) a meal, it’s a clean, crisp, substantial sum. Anything under? Reconsider your stingy attitude.
Ultimately, at this late stage (of capitalism) we can’t afford to nitpick at the cost of love and care. So please go forth, shout your friends a treat if you can, and remember that it actually always pays to be generous!
Johanna Cosgrove is an award-winning actor, writer and comedian
